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how to be a mountain biker follow these steps in you too can be like us step one by a mountain bike by a mountain bike that is more expensive than your car now that you own one bike by five more for the following disciplines cross-country trail enduro dirt jumping and freeride a step to spend whatever little money you have left on new parts and make sure you can justify your purchases that’ll be $700 wow what a great price I just save 20 grab step 3 no what kind of mountain biker you are interest appropriately downhill racer Park rat cross-country racer all-mountain rider enduro rider dirt jumper free rider or a Joey get used to people like your mother not understanding the sport why so we write that human whistle do you write off this oh you ride motorcycles step 5 flirt basic mountain biker jargon such as the following stoked rad gnarly flow bro shred scrub shroud gap table top rap tweet zone lone ruse Punk Biff and bail your car should develop a smell similar to a hockey bag or the inside with sweaty jockstrap step 7 there are more scars in your shins than stars in the sky step 8 but you have to turn your significant other into a mountain biker as well proceed with caution as this is known to cause severe relationship problems step 9 fill your Instagram with photos of the trailer riding for the of your handlebars step ten make sure at least five of your facebook profile pictures are a photo of you riding taken by your up-and-coming amateur action sports photographer friend step 11 now get your amateur action sports videographer friend to make you a cliche 3-minute edit remember to include shots of you putting on your goggles follow cams down the trail and last but not least lots of nature shots step 12 always remember to save your nicest fox shirt for the fanciest of parties step 13 develop an affinity for craft beer have you tried this IPA you don’t know what IPA is Steven got a bike on it and while you’re at it become a coffee snob as well familiarize yourself with the following keywords French press Fairtrade burr grinder start collecting platen flannel shirts remember there’s no such thing as too much step 15 your favorite smell is now cedar it’s time to allow your significant other know that you will be converting your bedroom into a bike storage room that’s right honey we can sleep in the living room step 17 as a mountain biker you’re going to want to put stickers on everything customization has no limits step 18 know the difference between a tranny and a tranny this is a tranny and this is a tranny now this is a tranny on a tranny step 19 you must teach your child how to ride a bike before they can walk step 20 acquire a trail dog and give them a cool now name like Spock ACOG gonna throw D nigger north or spoken step 21 buy a GoPro and mount it directly on top of your helmet no one will think you look like an idiot with one of these on top of your head step 22 learn to know your enemy or rather enemies learn the three major wheel sizes 26 inch 27.5 inch and 29 inch now choose your favorite size and be a dick about it is that a 29er oh step 24 spend a surprising amount of time talking about trees whoa look at that tree Wow rope wonder a little battery 25 get used to eating a power bar for lunch and nothing else traveling by plane with a bike is expensive learn how to fit your bike into a hockey bag and remember it’s just sporting equipment when you’re not working you’re riding when you’re not riding you’re digging because remember no dig no ride step 28 your new addiction is carbon although healthier than cocaine it is more expensive and finally now that your broken your girlfriend has left you go ride your damn bike what did we miss leave a comment in the comment section below [Music]