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when you’re trying to change your life
it’s likely that your beliefs are the
biggest obstacle that you face you can
change your habits you change your
behaviors but no matter what it can be
like there’s an autopilot pulling you in
the opposite direction now this was
actually a question that came up on our
podcast from someone who didn’t want to
be chasing money in prestige but found
themselves pulled towards those things
even though they weren’t making them
happy and I thought that the answer
might be useful to you here now this is
actually a clip from the podcast as I
mentioned and if you enjoy these on the
main channel you can let me know and if
you don’t let me know in the comments as
well either way here you go so Ashley
asks how does one overcome cognitive
dissonance and value systems ayahuasca
what continue sorry if you value
something such as prestige money etc but
you know you shouldn’t how do you change
that it’s just hard and this is that
this is such a good question I don’t
know maybe you realize it for those who
haven’t asked this question this is one
of the most important questions you can
ask which is how do I stop valuing the
things that make me unhappy because
that’s it right if you could orient
yourself towards the things that you
have statistical experiential data will
actually improve the quality of your
life and your joining your happiness
it’s easy the problem is we still want
to be famous and beautiful and
well-liked and then have a ton of
Instagram followers so how do you how do
you do this I have had some success but
not complete with this and I’ll show you
the things that have that have helped
one is to treat it like an addiction in
that alcoholics don’t hang out in bars
if they’re smart and people who seek
validation don’t hang out on Instagram
if they’re smart they don’t they don’t
go to the places and they don’t hang out
in the environments that trigger and
what I can say is you know having gotten
off of this stuff and validation would
count it out count prestige in there
which was your question
I like prestige yes prestige is about
the perception of other people shares
you just not really about your
accomplishments oh no if you continue to
accomplish great things in your career
and in your philanthropic efforts but
you just don’t brag about them on social
media you’re now just doing good stuff
you’re no longer trying to chase the
prestige so what I’ve seen it and then
this is true of addiction as well
there’s a massive difference between
zero and one
like zero drinks in one drink are not
the same thing and so five minutes a day
of Instagram and zero minutes of the day
of Instagram are very very different in
terms of how your brain gets wired so I
would I would advise you to find the
things that trigger these values that
you’d like to shift whatever they are
whether they’re people whether it’s a
place an app a job that you may have and
cut it to zero what if it’s friends what
if you have a friend group that’s very
prestige hungry and it’s constantly
asking you how much you make yeah how
did you get the promotion or what firm
did you work at no you got that firm
that’s crazy that’s so good yeah what do
you do now cuz they’re your friends
so I have well I think you might have an
answer no I don’t so what we did I was
really lucky one person makes all the
difference
human beings need social validation to
feel like they’re not schizophrenic yes
not insane
so having been when I started my
business while everyone else told me I
was crazy and I wasn’t gonna do it and
this is a waste of my time I felt not
crazy at all no you guys you’re the
crazy you don’t get it yes I’m a ton of
friends I still do have super high
paying procedures jobs in finance on
Wall Street and they were all like
you’re gonna leave to go to Brazil and
but I had I got to go to you I could go
these people don’t get it but if I was
by myself I think it would it would have
been a lot of pressure yes that would
have eventually so seek out and find at
least one individual and in order to do
that you have to speak up so I had to
give all these books that I like to all
of my friends and saw who took to them
and they didn’t all and Ben had to get
the four our core set of people then had
to give the 4-hour workweek to a bunch
of people and they didn’t care
luckily we were best friends and we both
happened to seize upon on this book that
that put us down a different path so
that was one if if you can get just one
person and man make that make that your
home base and there it will grow and
you’ll be wearing on your sleeve
whatever you do so you’re trying not to
care about prestige but you will care
about something right maybe it’s helping
people and not posting about it yeah you
will find a place to volunteer and the
people there will be volunteers and some
of them will be doing it for the
Instagram likes and you’ll avoid those
people yeah but you’ll meet other Jenner
by doing what you actually want to be
doing you’ll meet other people that have
those
values yeah and then so so that’s that’s
the one that has really worked the best
when I look at the things in my life
that are the most stubborn changes it’s
that other things are these massive
intervention experiences so I don’t just
mean ayahuasca which we talked about but
I also mean I’ve gone to personal
development program weekend things where
they get for 40 hours over the
course of the weekend and they beat you
down and you break at some point and
something something shifts inside of you
it doesn’t make all the change but those
have been valuable I know that some
people say that about landmark I would
recommend books actually so for I was
prostitute I was yes each hungary’s you
get yeah I was a nerdy kid growing up
wasn’t good looking or good at sports so
I just went okay well what’s gonna get
me any sort of pat on the back is great
mmm-hmm suddenly I wanted to go to
whatever was the best school I could get
into it’s all I cared about right I
wouldn’t do go to California so bad but
I end up going to Philadelphia like
that’s a ridiculous decision yeah and
then I did not want to go to Investment
Banking when I was a sophomore I ended
up in investment banking because it’s
what all my fraternity brothers were
patting each other on the backboards and
so what firm did I go to I went to the
most prestigious one yeah I was very
prestige hungry and I read a book and it
completely changed my paradigm sure so I
think reading reading alternative
paradigms reading up things written by
people who don’t have the values that
you want to avoid that can actually be
some of the most life-changing stuff yes
cuz I weirdly enough I was that to a tea
until I was 22 you know I mean you
couldn’t find someone more prestige
hungry I don’t want the money I just
wanted the validation and the Pat’s on
the back sure and the last thing that
I’ll say and this one has worked this
works for the ones that aren’t the
deepest in you but are like mid-level
things that are stuck in you is a video
we have called how to stop self-sabotage
leave and it has an exercise in there
where you go and you do free association
to pull out whatever associations you
have to prestige or to money and what
you’ll realize is some of the roots of
these not every time but you can get in
there and that that helped me with
actually limitations around earning
money you know I put the brakes on our
business for a long time because I
thought that earning more money would
make me unhappy because I lived in New
York City and I was seeing all of these
rich unhappy people and
only when I did these exercise that’s in
how to stop self-sabotage that I saw
that and when oh my gosh this doesn’t
line up and I could start to unravel
that so that long answer but these are a
handful places to start it’s tough
though it’s a great question it’s a good
question it’s the question
I’ve kept my worst one I think most
people have so you’re safe in good
company just like today so I hope that
you enjoyed that short clip if you liked
it you want to see the podcast in its
entirety the link is in the description
now Ben and I have been doing this for
roughly 20 episodes and on the podcast
we cover everything from psychology
philosophy sometimes politics and we
touch on current events but mostly to
get into the psychology philosophy and
politics if you guys are interested in
that like I said link in the description
we didn’t want to share this on the main
channel before it was ready and that’s
why we shot 20 episodes but based on the
feedback that we’re getting in the
comments some of the reviews that we’ve
gotten I feel like it is ready to share
with you guys which is why I wanted to
give you this little sneak peek so if
you liked what you saw you want to see
more go ahead and check it out I have
been having a great time with it and
there’s this added bonus that we
actually take calls from people who want
to talk to us so we’ll answer questions
about charisma if you want to chat if
you wanted to bait with us you can do so
on the podcast and in order to do that
just go to the most recent podcast that
we find you can find it on the channel
whatever it is click the link in the
description there’ll be a link there
that says that you can call in and we
will call you and we’ll have a little
chat if you’re interested so I hope they
decided to check out the podcast let me
know if you want more clips related to
charisma on this main channel on the off
days or if you don’t and we won’t do it
anymore either way I hope you enjoyed
this video I look forward to seeing you
in the next one